My husband and I have had a rocky relationship since before our marriage in July 2012. We dated for two and a half years before he proposed. Lots of ups and downs, breakups and separations, but his crooked smile always tugs at me in the dark times.
When he’s great he’s great, can be a true giver, and show love and never sensitivity. My views in him really changed almost two years ago. I suffered a miscarriage, I was torn up about it, he was happy the life we created didn’t make it. Night after night I couldn’t touch him, I was hurting, he was unsympathetic and rude. Four months later I had to have a hysterectomy. I was 24 then. It was a change I didn’t want but had to do for medical reasons. I got sick the week of my surgery with an infection, I was in and out of doctors, driving myself, when I but could barely stand.
The day I was admitted back in the hospital, knowing I was sick he opted to go fishing, over an hour away. I was so sick I couldn’t stand I had to crawl to my phone and plead for him to come home, but he said he couldn’t, my friend took me instead. He eventually showed up which I don’t remember, I was admitted for another surgery and a lonely four day recovery by myself.
I raise his daughter and my two kids from previous relationship, cook, clean, work, but at the end of the day, I feel stuck. He’s not emotional, not comforting, he’ll ask me to help him do something but he’s so anal that if I make a mistake I get reamed. I cannot satisfy the man.
He wonders why I don’t want to make love like we used to. I’m worn the hell out. Mentally and physically. This man drives me crazy sometimes I’d rather him just be gone all the time, and when I want to show him I love him it’s like hugging on a stiff cold wall… Heartless…. But like I said he’s not always like that, it’s rare when he’s sweet, but when he is he outdoes himself… Confused. Feel stuck.
Advice?
Leave him!!! Don’t make the mistake that I did and hang in there for 30 years because he does one nice thing for you. They don’t change! My husband is sweet and nice to me when he wants something. When I don’t agree with him the asshole that he really is comes out. He is self centered and when he wants something he will stop at nothing to get it. This includes lying, using people, making promises he never keeps, even breaking the law! I consulted 2 counselors 2 years ago and they both told me leave and here I still am. I don’t have energy at my age to fight him in an ugly divorce because he’s that much of a prick that he would not be fair. It’s easier to live in the denial that I do until I can figure a way out. I do have children with him although they are all on their own. You have no ties. GET OUT!! There are men out there that are not like this. You deserve to be happy, don’t deny yourself that. My husband is a big asshole but I’m also one for staying with him!
Wow, sounds like you have a real gem. A true friend (a husband should be a friend) would have stuck by you during your illness. Even though he may have been happy for your miscarriage, if he loved you he would’ve been sad with you for your heartache and pain. My advice is to dump him. The amount of time you’ve spent with him is minimal. I’ve seen the best relationships fall apart after 20 years and by then both parties are too old to date.
Get out while you’re still young! He will never come around to loving you since he has shown he doesn’t care now.
Get your finances and legal papers in order regarding the child and set up plans for relatives to help you temporarily. File a restraining order before you talk to him and have a police officer there while you move out your stuff if he’s home. He sounds like a grade A jerk and you will never be happy while you are with someone so selfish. If you want a chance at a happy life, consider what I’ve said. Best of luck to you.
T