I am embarrassed to admit I waited my whole life for the “right” guy and thought I found him! I was 42 and thought it was about time and was so happy and in love. Used to dream of our wedding, and our life together… now I am looking at myhusbandisanass.com and finding the stories comforting. I am saving my money and dreaming of the day I can finally leave, which should only be a few months from now.

He is technically not my husband… thank God. We were together for years, very happy in fact. Built a house and moved in and it has all gone to hell. I think he has serious mental issues. He will argue with me and say mean things, and then insist he would never say such things. He will even say he should get a tape recorder to tape how I deny things I say. But I don’t say anything like what he says. For example, one day I told him he had been particularly hard on one of his son’s friends (we all went on vacation together and he teased this poor kid mercilessly). But I said my thoughts in a nice and non-attacking manner while we were getting ready for bed. A few days later when he mentioned this same conversation he said, “Yeah, well when you told me I am a horrible person and should be put in prison for the way I abuse other people’s kids!” I literally laughed out loud. It has become a fun game with me and his boys in the house about his Dad telling stories again… because this is what he does.

He is so nice and sweet to me one day, enough that I even think about maybe our relationship will work and I will stay. Within a week or so, that goes away and he is mean and nasty. If I ask about anything I am concerned over, he flies into a rage and starts saying how doomed our relationship is, that I am exhausting, and so on. He accuses me of “playing games” with sex, and I never have. He will have sex and want to one week, the next he will complain he never gets sex. He will complain that I don’t wear sexy things enough (when literally just did the day before!)

He has one schizophrenic son who is in trouble with drugs all the time and another young son he totally favors. He trashes and downtalks his schizophrenic son the same way he does me. He calls me lazy and worthless, and then will say he would neveer say anything like that. He makes every disagreement into an arguement about a bunch of other shit, always avoiding apologizing and trying to use smoke and mirrors to take the blame away.

I literally DREAM of the day I leave. I dream of how distraught he will be to come home one day and find me gone, just like his exwife left him. And then he will cry to everyone and howl “WHY ME??!!!” Just like he does every other time he is upset about something. I told him I want to leave, he talks me into staying, then is nice for a few days, and then back to the bullshit. I dream of laying down my head in my own bed again, never having to see him again, and knowing he is drowning in his beer.

Of course, tomorrow I will be suckered back into thinking I might stay. But that day will come when I am just done and I will leave and not look back.